i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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