I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So much rum. So many feels.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
