I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize