I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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