What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
