You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
