Fine. I'll sleep in my office
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
