You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
