I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize