While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
