theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You ruined the universe
Randomize