Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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