his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
