Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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