now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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