i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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