Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So squirting runs in the family.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
