ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
