My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
