3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
