Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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