Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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