So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
