How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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