We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
