dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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