Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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