It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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