We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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