I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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