Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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