the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
