Kiss
Puke
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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