totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
