I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
