I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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