Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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