Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
