Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
