Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
