based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I supernannyed him into submission
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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