What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
