John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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