They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
