I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize