2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
