considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
