bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
