It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
