I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
