i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
