Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
