isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
