i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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