Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize