If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My cat gives me a boner
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
