I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
