Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
