That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
