my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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