I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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