you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
