Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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