What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
false alarm, still single
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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